MERMAIDS

GRAMMY:  So, this is your room, huh?

JULIUS:  Uh, huh.

GRAMMY:  Manly.  I guess you like mermaids.

JULIUS:  Uh, huh.  Did you know mermaids can sing underwater?

GRAMMY:  Oh, yeah?  What do they sing?

JULIUS:  They sing songs for sailors.  But they don’t let the sailors see them.

GRAMMY:  And do they sell sea shells by the sea shore?

JULIUS:  What?

GRAMMY:  Nothing.  Why don’t they let the sailors see them?  You’d think they’d like a little company now and then.

JULIUS:  They don’t want anyone to know they’re there, Grammy.

GRAMMY:  Then why the hell do they sing at all?

JULIUS:  To lure the sailors near the rocks.  So they’ll crash and sink to the bottom of the sea.

GRAMMY:  Ha!  Sadistic little suckers, aren’t they.

JULIUS:  What’s sa . . . sadistic?

GRAMMY:  Oh, it just means they like to be mean for fun.

JULIUS:  Mermaids aren’t mean, Grammy.  They just make the sailors crash so they won’t catch dolphins in their tuna nets.  I’m going to be a mermaid when I grow up.

GRAMMY:  Lord.  Another bleeding-heart liberal is born.

Photo Maura Wolfson-Foster

POLITICS

ME: What is going on out there, Grammy? I had to park three blocks away, and even the sidewalks are packed.

GRAMMY: Damn college kids are back. Won’t have a moment’s peace now.

ME: I didn’t know there was a college nearby.

GRAMMY: Yeah, well, there doesn’t seem to be a heck of a lot you do know. They built it a few years back. Some kind of liberal arts school. Like we don’t have enough damned liberals as it is.

ME: That’s not what it means, Grammy. And there’s nothing wrong with liberals. I’m a liberal. Jules is a liberal.

GRAMMY: Well, there you go. I rest my case.