JOB COUNSELING

GRAMMY:  What’s wrong, Typhus?  That medal not shiny enough for you?

TYPHUS:  They only gave it to me because you made a fuss.

GRAMMY:  Hey, you deserved it.  You saved a hundred year-old woman from drowning in her own apartment.

TYPHUS:  You know, Grammy, I been thinkin’.

GRAMMY:  About what.

TYPHUS:  About me.  How I been wastin’ my life.  I’m tired of bein’ a low-life.  I want to be somebody.

GRAMMY:  So who do you want to be?

ME:  I don’t know.  A bigshot.

GRAMMY:  Well, what do you already know how to do?

TYPHUS:  I can draw.

GRAMMY:  Forget drawing.  Artists only become famous after they die.  You don’t want to wait that long.

TYPHUS:  But that’s all I know how to do.

GRAMMY:   Right.  Think, boy!  What do you do best?

TYPHUS:  Lie, cheat and steal, but those won’t get me anywhere.

GRAMMY:  Of course they will.  Haven’t you heard of politics? Y ou get to lie, cheat and steal you way to the top.  And you’ll get a huge salary for doing it.

TYPHUS:  (brightening)  Right!  I didn’t even think of that.

GRAMMY:  Not a problem.  Thinking isn’t one of the qualifications.

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POLITICS

ME: What is going on out there, Grammy? I had to park three blocks away, and even the sidewalks are packed.

GRAMMY: Damn college kids are back. Won’t have a moment’s peace now.

ME: I didn’t know there was a college nearby.

GRAMMY: Yeah, well, there doesn’t seem to be a heck of a lot you do know. They built it a few years back. Some kind of liberal arts school. Like we don’t have enough damned liberals as it is.

ME: That’s not what it means, Grammy. And there’s nothing wrong with liberals. I’m a liberal. Jules is a liberal.

GRAMMY: Well, there you go. I rest my case.