Wednesday, April 7, 2010


ME:  Grammy?  What’s snowflake doing outside?

GRAMMY:  Looks to me like she’s sucking up to Alfie’s dog.  You’d think the dumb dog would bite her head off.

ME:  How did she get out there?

GRAMMY:  I let her out.

ME:  Why?  She’s a house cat.  She could get lost.  Or hit by a car.  I’m going out and getting her.

GRAMMY:  Sorry.  You can’t.

ME:  Why not?

GRAMMY:  You might get mugged or hit by a car.  Maybe an airplane will fall out of the sky right on top of you.

ME:  You’re being ridiculous, Grammy.

GRAMMY:  Gee, no kidding?

ME:  I’m not that bad.

GRAMMY:  No.  You’re worse.  Now leave the damn cat alone.

ME:  But what if she doesn’t come . . . ?  Oh!  I get it.  You’re teaching me a lesson in that warped way of yours.  It’s like that Sting song.  If you love someone, set them free!

GRAMMY:  No.  It’s like the Guns ‘N Roses song.  I used to love her, but I had to kill her.  The damn cat has scratched the hell out of all my furniture and she isn’t setting foot in here again.

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