ME: What happened Friday, Grammy? I knocked, but there was no answer.
GRAMMY: And you didn’t break in? I’m a hundred years old. I could have been dead!
ME: Well, if you were, there wouldn’t have been anything I could do.
GRAMMY: So you left me here to rot for the weekend?
ME: I figured you had gone out for a while. You do have that friend at the old folks’ home. So what did happen?
GRAMMY: Oh, I was up all night on that internet thingy, then slept all day. So what did you do, since you couldn’t hang around here?
ME: I bought Julius a book. See?
GRAMMY: It’s Just a Plant: A Child’s Guide to Marijuana? You’re kidding me?
ME: Marijuana is a fact of life, Grammy. He has to learn about it sooner or later.
GRAMMY: You won’t teach him about God or Santa Claus, but marijuana is a-ok?
ME: Marijuana is real. God and Santa Claus are . . . . Hey! Give that back!
GRAMMY: (tossing book out window) You want it? Go get it. And when you can’t get back in, it’s not because I’m dead. It’s because I don’t open my door to idiots.
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