PERSONAL GROWTH

ME:  Oh no.

GRAMMY:  What?

ME:  A deer is eating the nose off Julius’ snowman.  And here he comes, running straight for the door.

GRAMMY:  I don’t hear him screaming like he usually does.

ME:  Well, Typhus is out there with him.  Poor little thing, he's probably holding it all inside.  But the minute he gets through the door . . . .

GRAMMY:  I’ll go get my earplugs.

ME:  Wait a minute, Grammy.  He’s going back.

GRAMMY:  You’re kidding me.

ME:  No.  He’s going back.  And he has something in his hand.

GRAMMY:  Move over.  Let me see.

ME:  Easy, Grammy.  You almost knocked me down.

GRAMMY:  Oh, stop your whining.  No wonder the boy gets upset so easily.  Must get it from you.

ME:  What’s Typhus giving him?

GRAMMY:  Damned if I know.  Looks like a chunk of ice.  And he’s putting it in . . . well, I’ll be . . . .

ME:  What, Grammy?  What’s he do . . .  Oh my goodness!

THUNK!

GRAMMY:  Unbelievable.  The boy’s used that slingshot exactly twice and he’s hit his mark each time.

ME:  But the deer . . . it’s . . . .

GRAMMY:  Venison.  You know, with an aim like that, we may never have to buy meat again.

Photo:  Fresh99

SLINGSHOT

JULIUS:  What is it, Grammy?

GRAMMY:  It’s a slingshot.  And not some rinky-dink little toy, either.  This is the real deal.  You could bring down a deer with this if you knew what you were doing.

JULIUS:  I don’t want to hurt a deer.

GRAMMY:  I’m not telling you to.  Take a few empty whisky bottles from my recycle bin.  You can practice shooting at them in the back yard.  And take these goggles.  If you take an eye out, I’ll have to listen to your mother for the rest of my life, and I’ve got better things to do before I die.

JULIUS:  Thanks, Grammy!

GRAMMY:  You’re welcome.  And there’s ice cream for dessert if you can miss the whiskey bottles and accidentally bean Mr. Muddle's dog, if you get my drift.  A good knock in the head should shut that thing up for a minute or two.  Now go on out and have some fun.

(Julius leaves)

GRAMMY:  Well, that should occupy him for a few hours.

JULIUS:  Grammy!  Grammy!  Come look!  I got it!  On the first shot!

GRAMMY:  Well I’ll be . . . . Looks like you got some of your great-grampy's blood after all.  Now wasn’t that fun?

Photo:  Tom Robinson