AFTER THE LOVIN'

ME:  I should get going.  It’s been three days.  Grammy probably thinks I’m dead.

ALFIE:  Oh, I’m sure that’s not true.

ME:  You don’t know Grammy.  She doesn’t believe I can do anything on my own, and she didn’t think I should go out with you in the first place.  And then there’s the fact that I’ve never stayed out all night in my life, let alone three days.  By now, she’s probably certain I’ve either drowned in your swan boat or been abducted by elves.

ALFIE:  Well that’s silly.  The boat’s made of toilet paper.  I’d never put it in the water.  And who ever heard of evil elves?

ME:  All the same, I’m sure she’s worried.

ALFIE:  I really don’t think so, Barbara.  In fact, I’m certain she knows you're safe.

ME:  How can you know that?

ALFIE:  Look.  (points to building across the street)  She’s been watching us for two days.

GRAMMY:  You gonna get your ass home or are you gonna move in over there?

Photo:  Tim Noble and Sue Webster