HATS

ME:  So, do you like my new hat, Grammy?

GRAMMY:  No.

ME:  No?  What do you mean, ‘no?’

GRAMMY:  I mean I don’t like your new hat.  What the hell else could I mean?

ME:  Well, why don’t you like it?  What’s wrong with it?

GRAMMY:  What’s wrong with it?  You look like a little girl in her Sunday bonnet.  All you need now are a pair of patent leather shoes and white gloves.  Grab your Bible and it’s off to church you go.  Oh, wait.  You don’t go to church.

ME:  You’re not funny, Grammy.  And I happen to like it.

GRAMMY:  Yeah, well, you like your ex, too.  I suppose there’s no accounting for taste.

ME:  (glancing in mirror)  Does it really look like a little girl’s hat?

GRAMMY:  No.  It looks like a little girl’s hat from the sixties.  The early sixties.

ME: ( tossing hat on couch)  Oh, you’re right.  This doesn’t suit me at all.  And who even wears hats anymore, anyway?

GRAMMY:  (putting hat on)  Well, on the right person, at the right angle, it could look pretty damn good.

Photo:  Tom Robinson Photography

VACATION PHOTOS

GRAMMY:  So, you never said how your vacation went.  Did you and art boy have a good time?

ME:  We did, Grammy.  We spent some time on the beach.

We did some rock climbing.  Alfie was horrible at it, but at least he tried.

We also got in some deep sea fishing.  Alfie caught a marlin, and Grammy, you wouldn’t believe the size of that thing.

Then we did some sight seeing and spent some time with the locals.












And the night life, Grammy?  You should have seen those clubs.  Me an Alfie actually learned to break dance.

GRAMMY:  What about the casinos?

ME:  What about them?

GRAMMY:  You were in the Bahamas, Barbara.  Are you telling me you didn’t hit one casino?

ME:  I was in the Bahamas, Grammy.  If I want to gamble, I’ll go down to Green’s.

GRAMMY:  Why the hell would you go there?

ME:  Come on, Grammy.  Everyone knows he has a mini casino in his back room.  The produce market is just a front.

GRAMMY:  Really?

ME:  Really.

GRAMMY:  Well, the pictures were nice.  Now I think I'll go buy me some apples.

Photo:  Tom Robinson Photography
Stormtroopers

SLINGSHOT

JULIUS:  What is it, Grammy?

GRAMMY:  It’s a slingshot.  And not some rinky-dink little toy, either.  This is the real deal.  You could bring down a deer with this if you knew what you were doing.

JULIUS:  I don’t want to hurt a deer.

GRAMMY:  I’m not telling you to.  Take a few empty whisky bottles from my recycle bin.  You can practice shooting at them in the back yard.  And take these goggles.  If you take an eye out, I’ll have to listen to your mother for the rest of my life, and I’ve got better things to do before I die.

JULIUS:  Thanks, Grammy!

GRAMMY:  You’re welcome.  And there’s ice cream for dessert if you can miss the whiskey bottles and accidentally bean Mr. Muddle's dog, if you get my drift.  A good knock in the head should shut that thing up for a minute or two.  Now go on out and have some fun.

(Julius leaves)

GRAMMY:  Well, that should occupy him for a few hours.

JULIUS:  Grammy!  Grammy!  Come look!  I got it!  On the first shot!

GRAMMY:  Well I’ll be . . . . Looks like you got some of your great-grampy's blood after all.  Now wasn’t that fun?

Photo:  Tom Robinson