ME: Grammy, have you been telling stories to Julius again?
GRAMMY: I tell him stories all the time. What’s the problem now?
ME: His teacher sent home a note. He’s scaring all the other kids. He’s telling them he has an invisible friend called Kindlifresser who kidnaps and eats little children.
GRAMMY: And the problem?
ME: Why would you tell him a story like that?
GRAMMY: Because you named the kid Julius. Because you dress him like a little girl. Because if he isn’t scary in some way, he’s going to get the crap beat out of him everyday for no other reason than that he exists.
ME: I don’t dress him like a girl, Grammy. And it’s first grade. No one’s going to beat him up.
GRAMMY: That’s for sure. Not as long as he has a friend like Kindlifresser
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