OLYMPICS

ME:  What are you watching, Grammy?

GRAMMY:  The Olympics.

ME:  I thought you hated sports?

GRAMMY:  Yeah, well when have the Olympics ever been about sports?

ME:  Uhm, forever?

GRAMMY:  Uhm, no.  They’re about entertainment and advertising and political statements and ‘my country is better than yours.’  Right now, the Dutch are winning.

ME:  The Dutch?

GRAMMY:  Yeah.  We were ahead for a while. Had some snowboarder and his coach dropping four-letter words quicker than a B1 bomber.  But the Dutch caught up and left us in the dirt when one of their speed skaters asked an American sportscaster if she was stupid.  Now that was a moment.  Made me wish I was Dutch.

ME:  But Grammy, he was rude to her.

GRAMMY:  He said what he thought.  Lord, I can remember when people used to do that here.  Now we’re a nation of nice, polite ninnies as boring as cottage cheese.

ME:  Well, personally, I’d rather be boring than mean.

GRAMMY:  And let me tell you, Barbara, you are.

ME:  Grammy!

GRAMMY:  Oh, shut up and get out of the way.  Someone in the stands is throwing eggs at the Swiss Curling team and you’re blocking my view.

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