BOOKCARVING

GRAMMY:  Barbara!  What the hell did your son do?

ME:  What is it now, Grammy?

GRAMMY:  I don’t know what the hell it is now, but it was my Dickens collection.

ME:  He carved a book?

GRAMMY:  He carved a whole set of books.  My Dickens collection!

ME:  It looks like a bonsai tree.

GRAMMY:  Banzei is a yell, not a tree, Barbara.  It’s like Geronimo.

ME:  What?  Geronimo was a Native American.

GRAMMY:  I know that, dimbulb, and I’ll bet he never jumped out of an airplane, but it’s what people yell when they jump out of airplanes. And when they make a mad dash charge at you, they yell banzai!  Haven’t you ever seen a movie?

ME:  That’s a totally different word, Grammy.  It’s spelled . . . .

GRAMMY:  I don’t care how you spell the damn thing.  I want my Dickens back!

ME:  You know, Grammy, I’ll bet we could sell that.  It’s that good.

GRAMMY:  Chopped up books?

ME:  It’s a piece of art, Grammy.  I think Julius is an artistic genius.

GRAMMY:  Yeah.  Only a genius would cut up a collection of first edition Dickens.  (sigh)  It’s like talking to the damn wall.

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