AFTERNOON DRIVE

ME: Isn’t this a beautiful day for a drive, Grammy?

GRAMMY: Oh, yeah. Main streets and back roads of beautiful Cow Hampshire. Hit another frost heave and my teeth are gonna fall out. And just because you bought a brand new convertible doesn’t mean we have to ride with the top down. It’s friggin' October, you know.

ME: I just want to be sure everything works.

GRAMMY: Show off is more like it.

JULIUS: Mrs. Joy says we shouldn’t show off.

GRAMMY: Yeah, and Mrs. Joy also thinks coral is spelled with two R’s. You don’t want to put too much faith in anything that dim bulb says.

ME: Oh Grammy, it was just a spelling error.

GRAMMY: Teachers don’t get to make spelling errors. Now can we go home? You got to play with your brand new car. I want to play with my internet thingy.

JULIUS: What do I get to play with? I didn’t get anything new.

ME: Well, what would you like?

JULIUS: Toilet paper.

GRAMMY: Lord. Just when you think the boy is coming along.